It was 7.30 in the morning as I was driving my eldest into school for her A level results. She had worked hard and had received an offer to read medicine at Leeds – her dream career since she was 7.

As her phone screen refreshed up popped an offer for Genetics at Leeds – she turned to me ashen ‘Mum, I’ve blown it – they’ve have taken away my medicine offer’

Results day was challenging; sitting in her room watching rolling episodes of Casualty in tears.  But worse was to come, as the days went by her friends were excited about their new courses, uni accommodation and exciting adventures ahead, she felt lost and alone. She had gained an offer through clearing for Pharmacology at Newcastle – but had never been to the uni and the accommodation she was offered did not look great.

As a resilience coach, and more importantly, as a mother, I’ve lived through those raw and difficult moments. In those first few days, when everyone else seems to be confidently heading off to uni or celebrating their next step, it can feel like time stands still for your child and for you.

Whilst it’s tempting to rush in with reassurances: “It’ll all work out” or “Everything happens for a reason,” true resilience isn’t about glossing over disappointment. It’s about helping our children process, adapt, and move forward with strength and self-belief.

As a Resilience Coach here are three key steps I found helpful in supporting our eldest.

1. Create Space for Honest Conversations

Your child may feel embarrassed, devastated, or simply numb. These are valid and important emotions. Let them feel it. Give them a safe, non-judgmental space to talk, without immediately trying to fix it. They may find it difficult to share their emotions with friends who are in a very different place to them.

Use open questions like, “What do you need right now?” or “How are you making sense of things today?” Emotional validation is a cornerstone of resilience.

2. Encourage Exploration, Not Expectation

This is a chance for your child to step off the expected path and ask, ‘What do I really want?’

Support them in exploring their passions, whether it’s a different course, a year out to work or travel, or even starting a business. Encourage curiosity over certainty. Resilience grows when we learn to pivot, not panic.

3. Model Resilience, Don’t Just Talk About It

Your calm presence, your ability to reframe challenges, and your belief in your child’s potential speaks volumes. Share your own setbacks and how you grew through them. This isn’t just about bouncing back; it’s about bouncing back stronger and wiser.

I watched my daughter rise from deep disappointment to discover a path that lit her up in ways exam results never could. She didn’t just “recover”; she thrived, because she learned to back herself.

Disappointment can be a powerful teacher. With the right support, it becomes the beginning of a different and potentially more fulfilling journey. Stay close, listen and support your child to know that great things come out of the challenges we overcome.